a deal you counted on got broken — cool the body first, then look at the deal
Name it i
How strong? 0–10
What’s happening? optional
Cool the body first i
anger is fuel in the body — burn a little before you think
nothing of yours for betrayal yet — adopt one and it goes first with ★ your plan
The deal i
What was the deal — and was it spoken out loud, or only in your head?
Is this about them — or your picture of them?
What do you do with it?
happened before with this person? → add to a pattern
distance is a valid answer — not every deal deserves a second run
Close it i
6 → 3 · −3
it hurts because you kept your side of the deal — trusting was not the mistake
Everyone feels all of this. Prime is how fast you come back.
mechanism
Betrayal is anger plus loss of a load-bearing assumption. Someone you counted on broke an agreement — stated or implied — and two things fire at once: the mobilization of anger and the collapse of a prediction you were building on. That is why it hurts more than it angers, and why the first impulse is to re-read the history looking for the moment you should have known.
not to confuse with
angry: a boundary was crossed, but the relationship still holds · hurt: the pain is there without the broken deal · disappointed: the expectation was yours alone, never agreed · grieving: the loss is final and there is nobody to renegotiate with
in the body
cold in the chest rather than heat, a sinking pull in the stomach, the scene replaying on a loop, difficulty sleeping
feel it
Give it room before deciding anything about the person. The replay is the mind checking whether the world still works the way you assumed; it needs a couple of passes, not a verdict tonight.
what to do
Get the deal in words first: what exactly was agreed, was it ever said out loud, and what did they actually do. Then choose one: say it and rebuild, renegotiate the terms, or step back. All three are legitimate; only silence is not.
don't
no verdicts in the first hours: the replay is not evidence · do not audit the whole history of the relationship on one episode · do not decide alone what they meant — ask
if you do nothing
You keep the deal in your head and they keep behaving by their own version of it. Trust erodes without either of you knowing why, and the relationship dies quietly of a conversation that never happened.
after
if the deal was never said out loud, this is closer to disappointment: worth checking · a second break of the same deal after it was named is data about the person, not the day
your track
2 episodes · median 8 → 5 · counterpart: same person ×2 · best tool: write the deal down ✓2
keys
0–9 set the scale · enter = next step · d = tool done · esc = close dialogs
+ add your own · open in Library: practices →