someone’s words or act landed — this pain has an author; let it be felt first, then decide what to say
Name it i
How strong? 0–10
What’s happening? optional
Let it be felt i
sadness isn’t something you fix — give it room, and a little warmth
nothing of yours for hurt yet — adopt one and it goes first with ★ your plan
What’s the loss? i
Name it in one line — no fixing yet
One warm thing now
Draft the words — nothing gets sent
know the author? → note it on their page in People
not answering today is also an answer — the draft keeps your words safe
Close it i
5 → 3 · −2
it landed because the work matters to you — caring was not the mistake
Everyone feels all of this. Prime is how fast you come back.
mechanism
Hurt is pain with an author. Someone's words or act landed on something that matters to you, and the system registers damage rather than violation. That is why the first impulse is to withdraw rather than to attack: the body reads it as injury, not as a fight to win. Anger often arrives second, as protection over the sore spot.
not to confuse with
angry: a boundary was crossed and you want it corrected · betrayed: an agreement was broken by someone you counted on · disappointed: the expectation was yours alone, they never promised · ashamed: the verdict is about you, from you
in the body
a sinking pull in the chest, hot eyes, the wish to leave the room, replaying the exact sentence
feel it
Give it room before deciding what it means about the relationship. Hurt shrinks when felt and hardens when argued with. The sentence will replay a few times: that is processing, not evidence.
what to do
Name what specifically landed and on what: not «he was rude», but «he said it in front of people, and being respected in public matters to me». Then choose: say it to them, or let it go on purpose. Both work; storing it does not.
don't
no answering while it is fresh — you will aim at their weak spot, not at the issue · do not decide what they meant: ask · do not collect the whole history to prove the case
if you do nothing
The sore spot stays and you protect it by distance. The other person often has no idea, so nothing changes for them, while for you the relationship quietly cools and the next small thing lands on the same bruise.
after
if the same person keeps landing on the same spot, the conversation is overdue · hurt that turned into anger is worth revisiting: anger protects, but it does not repair
your track
6 episodes · median 7 → 4 · most frequent spot: being taken lightly · best tool: name what landed ✓3
keys
0–9 set the scale · enter = next step · d = tool done · esc = close dialogs
+ add your own · open in Library: practices →